My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
