Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
