I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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