Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
