It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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