Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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