so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
