my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
