Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
