had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
