If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
