well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
