just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
