I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
