I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
