At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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