I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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