Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
