Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
