Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
