TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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