Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
