Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
