My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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