this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
