btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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