he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
