the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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