You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
