this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
