did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I CAN MOONWALK!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
