you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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