Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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