Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
