I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
