Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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