I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
