All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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