Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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