i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
