I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
