Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
