p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
