It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
