just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
