You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.