FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
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Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
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Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.