At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
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You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
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His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.