so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale