he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
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Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
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I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??