so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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