I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
