took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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