omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
