yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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