walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
