I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
