I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
