There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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