Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize