Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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