I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
