I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
