you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
