i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
