just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
