Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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