i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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