Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
